My Alphabet (Not the Army Way)

My oldest daughter teases me about how I spell things out for people. She insists I learn the correct Army-person-military-right way of what word to use to explain which letter I’m referring to (you know, A as in “Alpha”, B as in “Bravo” or something like that).  Well, I’m a mom, so I have my own alphabet.  It goes something like this:

• A as in Apple. Always start with easy and obvious.
• B as in Bubbles. Or Boogers. Or Butterflies. It depends on what I’ve seen most recently. Far too often it’s the second option.
• C as in Coffee. As in please let there be more. One pot is still not enough. (See “S” for details.)
• D as in Disaster. As in my living room is a disaster because I turned off the television and the kids wanted to craft all the things. And then went outside to play.
• E as in Exercise, something I rarely have time for. Or Excuse – I hear them all day long.
• F as in Forever, like, “How long does it take to potty train a child? Forever”.
• G as in Groceries. Never enough. Even if the refrigerator and pantry are full, there is apparently nothing to eat. Until just before dinner. Then they’re all ravenous. Until we sit down to eat. And then the hunger is gone. Until all the dinner dishes are cleaned up. Then they’re hungry again.
• H as in Happy.
• I as in Ice Cream. The surest way to get all the children inside is to scoop myself some ice cream to enjoy in 3 minutes of peace and quiet. Seriously. It’s like they hear the freezer door open or something.
• J as in Josh. I often use my oldest son’s name to illustrate this letter. Because surely every stranger knows Josh and that his name starts with “J”.
• K as in Kittens. Like the ones that the stray cat who adopted us will probably be having soon. Because we don’t have enough critters.
• L as in Laundry. Constantly. Always. Never Ending. Laundry.
• M as in Mom. Obviously.
• N as in No. This one is easy. I say this eight hundred thousand times a day. Really.
• O as in Oh, my goodness. Like, “Oh my goodness, you’re making me crazy”.
• P as in Peanut butter. This is around a lot. A favorite snack. And crafting tool (See “W” below). P can also be for Poop, (see “F” above) though the reactions of some recipients of my spelling illustration has made me hesitate to use this word any more.
• Q as in Quilt. Something I’d love to make more of.
• R as in Rhinoceros. I think this one is very good. Sometimes I’ll say “R as in Recording” – because I say the same things so many times I should have a recording.
• S as in Sleep. I remember once long ago getting a full night of sleep. I would say I dream about it, but in order to dream, one must actually sleep. And I don’t. Snack is another good word here. I’ve found that if I call Lunch a snack, children will eat it. If I call it Lunch they don’t want it.
• T as in Toast. They want it until I make it. Although a bit of cinnamon and sugar sprinkled over it usually encourages them to eat more than the 2 bites out of the center that is far too typical. My favorite is when one child asks for toast and I use the last 2 pieces of bread and then all the others decide it would make the best snack but we’re now out of bread and the original asker decides it isn’t quite toasted enough (or too much) and takes 2 bites then walks away.
• U as in Unlock (Unlock that door. Yes, you must let your sister in the bedroom you share. No, we’re not building a new bedroom so you can have your own. No, we’re not going to make her sleep in the basement.
• V as in Van. The very large white thing I drive. It’s too tall to fit under most Dunkin’ Donut drive through windows. So I’m seriously considering selling it for something shorter. It actually looks more like a shuttle bus than a van. But that would be S as in Shuttle, or B as in Bus. And we’re on V here.
• W as in Window. The things I need to clean constantly because children think it’s fun to apply chapstick coated lip kisses to all of them. Or draw on them, usually with peanut butter coated fingers. It’s kind of like finger paint. But it isn’t.
• X as in “X”. Seriously? A word that starts with this letter?  I guess I could say Xray. But it usually escapes my brain. Unless we’ve had a recent emergency room visit. Then I remember.
• Y as in Yesterday. Surely yesterday was quieter than today. Because I forget details like two hour battles over who is allowed to play in which bedroom (see letter U).
• Z as in Zach. Again, a son’s name is the proper word to illustrate the letter. Because I’m a mom.What’s your alphabet?